Postpartum Life

I feel like this blog is mostly about my kids.  Honestly I am dang proud of those kiddos of mine and so I love talking about them.  Let's just face it though, they are waaaaay more interesting then mwah.  Despite that I feel like writing about postpartum life for me.  I think it is impossible to talk about me and not include my kids as well so I am sure they will still be a large part of this post.

Right after Bracken was born I was happy.  Having him out of me was one of the hugest reliefs.  He was so perfect and cute, he slept, he ate and he pooped.  On sleeping he seemed to sleep more than my girls did.  On eating, breastfeeding went so much better with him and even though there were random difficulties that I hadn't previously encountered it was still a much better experience.  On pooping, well he only pooped like once a day and now he poops every few days(tmi?).  All in all I felt like having 3 kids didn't feel too much different than having 2. 

I have never been one that has had to deal with postpartum depression.  I think depression is a heavy word and I don't believe I experience a lot of the things associated with full on depression.  But I do get down, the baby blues if you will, and lately I think more so.  In my pregnancy with Bracken I gained 10 more pounds than I gained with my girls pregnancies.  I don't think it was as noticeable when I was pregnant but now that he is out of me I feel like those extra 10 lbs really show.  If I were to pick one word to describe how I feel about my body right now it would be "doughy."  I don't know if I just forgot from previous pregnancies but it is super disheartening that after 3 months of not being pregnant I still look 3 months pregnant, but not really because at 3 months pregnant I have a cute little belly and right now I'm wide and unshapely.  This time I actually feel like it will never go away, that I've gone far past ever regaining even a smidgen of the body I had before Bracken.  And yes, that gets me down.  I don't like how I look in my clothes but I feel like there just isn't a dang thing I can do about it, especially as long as I continue to nurse. 

Some days I feel like I'm going to go completely mad when all the girls do all day is fight and Bracken screams every time I set him down, I can't get a workout in because of that and my house is a complete disaster.  Speaking of the latter, I think about 90% of the time my house looks like a tornado hit it.  My only excuse for it is "it's all in a days work."  Sometimes it is all in an afternoons work...Sometimes I am just too dang tired to do anything about it.  Sometimes there are way more important things to do.  Sometimes it's just too much and all I can do is cry about it.  I think I need to hire outside help to keep my house clean because right now there just isn't time for it. 

Bracken now sleeps way less and during the day freaks out when he is set down for a nap.  He naps in the morning for about 45 minutes to an hour and then throughout the rest of the day it is hit and miss.  Some days we get a really nice afternoon nap in and some days it is a bunch of not very successful naps.  He goes to bed around 9 or 10 and wakes up once at night to eat. 

We've been struggling with Arya's sleep schedule and it has been throwing us all off but we have buckled down and set up a structured routine using audio cues and for 4 days in a row it has worked.  These past few days the low stress in the evenings has been a huge blessing and I pray that this continues to go well cuz I feel like maybe I can make it through another day instead of going to bed not having enough time to recover from the day and dreading what the next day will bring. 

You see that I'm kind of moving into the more positive things?  Well I am.  Mr. Bracken is such a handsome dude.  He has the best smile in the world and the cutest laugh.  I feel like he started laughing really early so I have been enjoying his cute little outbursts of laughter for many weeks now.  My favorite part of the day with Bracken is right when he wakes up in the morning.  He's so happy and content for a good 30 minutes and I love interacting with him at this time.  Unfortunately it is about the only time I can set him down without him crying or begging to be interacted with so sometimes this is the only time I can work out. 

Life is hard sometimes but my kids are so worth it.  Here are some reasons why it feels so worth it:

-Audree is really learning quickly how to write all her letters and she has been doing perfectly on her pre-k worksheets.
-Arya is freaking adorable and does and says some of the cutest things.  Almost everything she does she makes look adorable.  Some of my favorite are: "happy life!" "ring ring, hello is the the krusty krab? NO, THIS IS PACKRIT!!" "c'mon mommy!(in her adorably cute way of saying it like she's my best friend)." I love her kisses and her cuddles.  She's so opinionated and independent.  She's also very caring and likes Bracken soooo much more than I thought she would.  She loves her sister Audree and loves to do what she does.
-Bracken's smiles.
-Audree learning to ride her bike(with training wheels of course).
-Having successes like the girls going to bed on time for 4 days in a row. 
-The way Audree talks so grown up now.
-Seeing Audree so happy and so loving and so willing to be friends with absolutely everyone. 
-Both my girls pretty blue eyes.  Superficial?  I don't care, I love their beautiful faces and I love their eyes!
-Arya's expressiveness
-Pretty much every new thing any of my children do.

I love my kids so much and I can't help but think my little family is just perfect right now.  2 girls and a boy.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm sure everyone feels this way about their specific combination but I feel like I have the perfect one.  My family rocks!

Next up, our anniversary and a weekend in Solitude!