Fat??

Me...umm, yeah! I now weigh what I weighed when I had Audree. Is it possible that I can refrain from gaining any weight the next few weeks??? Definitely not. Last pregnancy the last few weeks is when I really packed on the pounds. I've already even stretched more this time then last...I am bigger now then I was when I had Audree. Evidence? I have acquired a nice new batch of stretch marks. I considered myself among the lucky to have gotten so few...well it looks like I am no longer that lucky. I still don't have very many and they still aren't very long or obvious...but now instead of just having stretch marks on my sides I now have them on my belly :( Sad day. I know it's all a part of the beauty of having children but mixed with pregnancy emotions it's enough to get me down.

What gets me even more down is the realization that I am going to have to work hard to get all these extra pounds off. I have like zero motivation when it comes to working out...I always want to do it, I just can't ever get off my butt and do it. This time is going to have to change though. It's just going to have to. Next pregnancy(don't worry, this is way way in the future) I am determined to be more fit. I wont let myself get pregnant again unless I can prove that I can maintain exercise and a small, steady weight gain through the whole pregnancy. And I hurt so much this time around that I am determined that I will be in better shape in order to prevent that...or at least reduce it. I think being short I am just more prone to all the pains of pregnancy but I hope that I can at least do stuff to make it so I am not aching everytime I move.

I really dislike this stage of pregnancy. I was looking at my pregnancy ticker and it says I only have 37 days left. That's really really really not very long but with the way I feel it seems like an eternity. All I seem to think about anymore is how I can get this baby to come early. Audree came 8 days early so I have myself convinced that this baby will come early. But what if she doesn't? Sometimes I am not sure if I can handle it. I know I will, and once Arya gets here all will be well. But for some reason I just struggle so much with this last part of the pregnancy. I get so antsy and just can't wait and determine my own worth on whether or not the baby will come early...stupid, I know...I am well aware of how stupid that is but for some reason in my mind it's so important.

Some days I start crying just because the pains and the struggles of pregnancy just seem like so much I don't know if I can go on. Luckily these moments are few but I occasionally get lost in the despair of not being able to make time go faster. I have come 35 weeks!! You'd think 5 weeks would be nothing...but I swear time has slowed down tenfold.

So basically I've decided I need to plan things in order to help the time pass. I thought I'd be having another appointment next week but seeing as my doctor didn't see it fit to treat me like every other patient I don't have that to help me look forward to events to pass the time. So here is what I've got so far: This Saturday I have a baby shower to go to. Then the following Tuesday me and Mark are going out for his birthday(we are celebrating early b/c the baby is due right around his birthday). That weekend is General Conference and my friend Courtney will be stopping by to visit. She got back from her mission a little bit ago and I still haven't seen her, so I am way excited!

Ok, that is all I have. I need more. The whole week after that there is nothing for me to look forward to. Anybody have any good ideas? The following week, on the 12th, I have my next obgyn appointment. I will be 37 weeks and I'm pretty sure they'll check me for dilation, which I am excited for. When they checked me when I was pregnant with Audree at 37 weeks I was dilated between like a 1 and 2 and 60 or 70% effaced or something like that. But what I felt being checked did for me was get my whole labor started. Immediately after they checked me I started losing my mucuous plug(sorry if that is too much information for some...) and I continued to lose it for the next 2 weeks until I finally went into labor. I'm actually hoping it will do the same thing for me this time...but hopefully not take 2 weeks for actual labor to start. We'll see though. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. Maybe it'll happen before that ;) hahaha, no I'm really not betting on that...it would be nice though.

Then after the appointment I have not a thing but the birth of this baby to look forward to. Distractions would be much much much appreciated.

Oh, and the only way that 5 weeks seems too short is when I think of all the stuff we still need to do to make the nursery ready and our bedroom ready(obviously she'll be sleeping in our room for the first couple months). Maybe I need to start filling my time with getting that stuff done. Unfortunately over half the stuff I, as a pregnant woman, am not allowed to do. But today I did a bunch of organizing and cleaning in our bedroom and we are a lot closer to being ready for Arya to share the space with us.

And lastly, because I have gone on forever in this post, can I just say that these contractions are starting to get ridiculous! I pretty much have like 2 or 3 an hour(obviously nothing consistent though) and maybe even more since some of them seem to be circumstancial. And by that I mean they happen because either I have a full bladder(which is all the time now because my body can't get enough water and all I do all day long is drink), I pick up Audree, I go up the stairs or really put any sort of pressure on my uterus. About a few times a day I'll have contractions that are slightly painful. Thank goodness not really painful or I wouldn't be a pleasant person to be around at all. All I can hope is that soon they will turn into constant contractions that will mean I am in labor.

Anybody wanna guess which day Arya will come? I had my family guess the day and her weight and stuff. Feel free to leave your guesses if you'd like. :)

Needless to say I am so so very excited to meet Arya and I can't wait for her to finally be here!