On naming children

Obviously this is a subject on my mind a lot lately with our little boy coming to us in just over a month.  Last night Arya woke up about 5 in the morning and was resisting falling back asleep and even though she eventually did fall back asleep I couldn't because my mind could not stop thinking about baby names.  So instead of considering my whole morning where I should have been sleeping a complete failure I think I will blog about it.

I believe that naming children is a very personal decision in a family.  It has nothing to do with outside sources.  I don't even believe mothers/fathers or sisters/brothers or grandmothers/grandfathers have a right to a say in the matter.  Opinions can be offered if asked but it is no one's decision but the parents and it's a very personal one.  I always hesitate to share which names I like because I know judgement will inevitably ensue.

Some people like traditional names, some people like SUPER traditional names, some people like unique names, some people like to make up names, some people like to combine names to form one name, some people like to honor relatives and use their names, some people like to change names with interesting spellings...So who's right in this baby naming game?  My simple answer is either everyone or no one.  There is no one right way to go when naming your child.  Just because you like a certain sort of name does not make your way superior, it does not make you better and it does not make every other name open to your mockery and ridicule.

When you take names that you may find unusual and make fun of them you are making fun of an actual little soul.  You are diminishing their worth and defining it by their name.  Do you think that's how God defines a souls worth?  To my LDS friends I am reminded of the talk given by Elder Rasband.  He spoke of the special little soul that was born into his family.  A little boy named Paxton.  Paxton would probably fit into some people's category of unacceptably unusual names.  What if it the spelling was Paxtyn?  Would that just be so weird that Elder Rasband should be ashamed?  If you watched the talk then you saw how proudly he spoke of his little grandson, name and all.  His special little soul full of infinite worth was not defined by his name and I would hope that no one out there was thinking "oh, poor kid," because his limitations are defined by his physical and mental limitations.  As with others our opportunities in life are limited by our own faults and probably more so by the judgements of others than by our names.

Whenever you find yourself gossiping about how awful you think other peoples name choices are consider how others feel about yours.  Just because you chose a traditional name does not mean that others don't understand how in the world you could name your child with such a boring and dare I say ugly name.  Maybe they feel you are dooming your child to a life of complete mediocrity by restricting them with such a mediocre name.

I personally love to hear the names people choose and sometimes I admit that I get really disappointed when I hear people choose a name I consider excessively boring.  But that doesn't mean that I don't think the name fits with that family or child.  It doesn't mean that I don't still think it is a pretty name.  Children kind of have a way of fitting their names no matter what they are and maybe there is more to the story of their name then we can see from our outside perspective.  So who are we to judge?

The closest I have ever felt to heaven was right before I got pregnant with Arya.  We had been trying for a little while and I was beginning to be concerned that there was something wrong with me and that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant.  I was on a walk just pondering and got a very distinct impression of Arya's special little soul waiting up there in heaven to come down to us.  I felt her spirit, I knew she would be a girl and I knew her name would be Arya.  And Arya is no one but our little Arya.  When I would tell people her name almost nobody had heard it before.  I knew some people were probably thinking I was mental for choosing a name like that but I KNEW that was her name.  The funny thing now is her name(in the form of Aria) is now in the top 100 girl names.  Fancy that.

Now that we are getting ready to name this boy I have learned that I don't like hardly any boy names.  There are some traditional names that I consider nice names and I like but would never imagine actually using them myself.  Me and Mark obviously don't agree on any one name yet but I can tell you his name will not be considered traditional.  I love names that aren't weird but aren't normal.  I like to avoid the top 50 if possible and definitely would never use something from the top 10.  I would want to slap anyone that would put the label on my son "going to fail in life," or "not good enough," just because we don't choose a name that at any given time we'll know 5 other people with that name.   That does not mean that those names in the top 10 aren't good names.  It's just our personal feelings about how names would fit in our family and how they'll fit these little people WE are raising.

I suggest that the next time you find yourself the source of mocking and ridiculing other peoples name choices or you are laughing along with those mocking and ridiculing remember the words of Elder Uchtdorf, "STOP IT!"  There is no reason to be causing such offense even if you think it is warranted.  I understand the humor in it.  I see weird names and weird spellings and think that's crazy, but it's not my place to say if it's right or wrong or to judge how messed up I think that persons life could be because I have a limited view.  Every little soul has great potential and it always gets me angry and frustrated when people can't see past a name because their imagination can only stretch as far as a name that is hundreds of years old.  Remember the worth of all souls is great in the sight of God and stop the harsh judging and mockery.  "STOP IT."